Month: August 2011

“…Cry ‘Havoc!’ and Let Slip the Elephants of War…” (Part II: The Discussion)

If you recall from part one, The Foundation was in the process of introducing war elephants to our holdings. If you do not recall this, or if you did not read the last post: Shame on You! I am not going to spend more time delivering back story elements; nary a clever flashback or past montage to set the mood.

Anyway…I had come to the decision that The Rothechilde Foundation was in danger of usurpation of some sort due to the successful assault on social programs by the State of Michigan. Governor Snyder and his minions are on the verge of stamping out the last vestiges of dedicated labor in the state, forcing them into poverty, stealing their homes, and probably sending them in our direction for relief since they were now jobless and only had the memories of state relief to keep them warm and their hunger sated. This could not be allowed to happen; our coiffures have been clever managed to provide us with maximum tax relief while allowing for minimum of fund spent on actual programs. We are a right and proper charity.

And now we were faced with a potential menace to rival the Ten Plagues of Egypt: if the newly impoverished all started to come to us for aid, the Foundation would have to spend more to provide such aid. Whether this is our purpose or not, this is not how the wealthy are supposed to behave. When we band together to get our wishes through media manipulation of the uniformed electorate of the United States, we do so as a unit. If they are making a massive cash grab in this State, then they are supposed to be making we Board members party to the grabbing. However, they have become traitors to the cause and we now understand that we stand alone! It was time for the Foundation to take action and this action was to be discussed at the emergency meeting that I was about to attend. I walked into The Foundation Thunderdome and headed for my office. It was early, but I was not surprised to see that my secretary had already made it there before me:

Secretary: Good morning, Mr. Rothechilde. I wasn’t expecting you to bring your ass into the office until the last week of August.

Me: I am not sure what you are trying to say. And you had better not swear at me, I will be forced to fire you…

Secretary: Sh! It’s okay, Mr. Cranky Pants; there’s coffee in your office and the rest of the board is on the way here. The Vice President is already here and he wad going to make coffee and take refreshments into the meeting…

Me: Did you just shush me? Why is Smeagol distributing food?! That is highly inappropriate! He could be trying to poison us…

Secretary: It’s okay, your new bodyguard maxed him and replaced the snacks. She’s in the boardroom and the Vice President is somewhere crying and washing his eyes out. Now be a big boy and go get ready to play President-boy.

Me: You are fired.

Secretary: Thank you, I think 10% is an appropriate amount for a raise, and the extra 2 weeks of vacation were unnecessary, but very welcome! I’m going to start planning now!

Me: You are lucky that I cannot run this place without you.

Secretary: Yeah, yeah…now go on. If you would have come in a half hour ago, we could have had a quickie. Now, I have to wait.

With that said, I headed to the board room, greeted M, my bodyguard and got a cup of coffee and a very large pastry that was covered with cheese and a doughnut. M, cleared her throat and eyed me disapprovingly so I added a cup of fruit to my breakfast. Then I told her that I would work it off later, this was not the time for watching calories, I needed to have all of the comfort foods I could grab to deal with the impending crisis. I had just taken a seat when the other members entered the room. The Vice President was the last to arrive, with his red, watery eyes and wearing his workout gear.

Board Secretary: What the fuck, dude? Not only is that not proper attire, but those shorts look like they are made for a toddler!

Charlotte: Ew! Is that your sack peeking out of there? Look, this is not 1974, Kareem, get some longer shorts…or wrap a table cloth around yourself.

Ethermagus: Your chair is too close to the MonitorChair. I can feel your hideous, malformed body through my technology down here in the TechCenter.

Vice President: This is all her fault! She maced me! My suit is covered in mace, and all I had to wear was what was in my gym bag.

Me: Ms. Secretary, could you bring in a Regulation Thunderdome Gym Suit for, Smeagol? His near nakedness is making us ill.

Secretary: I’ll bring it right in.

Manthony: You maced the Vice President?

M: (nods)

Charlotte: With actual Mace?

M: (nods).

VP Smeagol: And if I wouldn’t have fallen, she was going to hit me with that thing!

M: (holds up Medieval Mace, menaces Vice President, smiles)

Manthony: Damn!

Charlotte: That is wonderful! I’m sorry I missed that…

As the Vice President put on the suit, we all settled with our refreshments and were prepared to call the meeting to order. As soon as we were greeted by Sister Constance and Professor Z, the meeting began.

Me: Esteemed board members, please forgive my calling you all back earlier from your summer endeavors, but this is a matter that needs immediate attention. If you have been following the current political developments in our beloved America, you have noticed that a war has been declared on the wealthy. At first, it seemed that President Obama was the aggressor, now it seems that our own wealthy brethren and sistren have turned on us; the neutrality of wealth-shielding charitable organizations is no longer.

Board Secretary: I knew this was coming, we should have made that one percent increase in services to our clients and community…

Smeagol: I was right! Liberal yap-yap smarm, smarm…

Me: Let the record reflect that the Vice President’s comments will often be reduced to onamonapia for ease in transcription of the minutes, as much of what he says will be irrelevant.

Smeagol: I…nevermind.

Charlotte: Precisely.

Manthony: Okay, I hate to ruin the fun, but back to this war.

Me: No, the danger is that we are now attacked from both sides. We were not paying enough attention when the initial salvos from our wealthy former allies came from the banks and that mortgage debacle. However, now our wealthy former compatriots are aiming to hit the poor right where it counts, in addition to raping NPR, the National Endowment for the Arts, and anything else of culture significance to the people. Look, it was already an issue for the poor to have jobs. In our beloved State of Michigan, industry cured that ill and ran away to foreign nations and outsourced to India.

Manthony: You know, if people need jobs that bad, they should consider moving to India…

Me: Ahem! As I was saying, industry fled, and the unemployed came for donations. Now, the rich are complaining that poor still have too much and want to take their appliances and minimal comforts from them. I maintain that we cannot afford to buy refrigerators to keep their damn food fresh as the pundits now believe should be the case! War is on the horizon; horrible war on The Foundation from the poor and the wealthy. The middle class will do nothing and continue to bitch, we are through the looking glass here, people!

Charlotte: I assume that we are going to be needing weapons and more koalas and alligators; I see that the Sister and the Professor have joined the proceedings.

Me: No. This is not about koalas…

Professor Z: No, it’s not. This is about lasers! Multiple lasers, ones that will sear a path through all of our foes and make sure that we are well-defended, as well as provide potential offensive capabilities should need be.

Sister Constance: Then why am I here? My crew has just relocated the koalas; I still don’t see why they have to be put on permanent patrols in the arboretum. Fortunately, they have stopped attacking visitors. If I’m here to discuss the new property acquisitions…

Me: Now hold it, I have been building up to this.

At this point, I pushed a button near my chair and a curtain to the left moved, revealing a model of an elephant habitat. The habit included twenty-fve elephants. It was a wondrous creation! The model plants were actually live, everything was living, except for the model elephants. One thing that was new to me was a model of a Victorian home located in what would be the southwest corner of the habitat. Perhaps, I did not notice it before, but I am sure that it was not there. I would notice this. Since M had not felt the need to remove the object, I assumed it was safe and left it. Eventually, the prankster would get tired of my ignoring the house and speak up. I proceeded with the presentation.

Me: What you see here is a plan for the new War Elephant habitat for the Thunderdome. I have come to the conclusion that a herd of twenty-five war elephants will serve to protect us from our enemies, both old and new. They will also provide an effective means for a preemptive strike if needed.

Manthony: Okay, I think I see where this may be going. But before we get the elephants, shouldn’t we have troops? And, didn’t you say that there are twenty-five elephants?

Charlotte: Yeah, what gives? There are only twenty-three elephants; that’s cool, though. Twenty-three is good.

Board Secretary: Well, which is it? Twenty-three or twenty-five? This is going into the minutes and I really don’t care to edit them later.

I turned and looked at the model; there were indeed only twenty-three elephants. How did I miss that?

Me: Okay, there are supposed to be twenty-five! The plan called for twenty-five elephants! You see, in order to protect ourselves, a herd of rampaging war elephants was to be our secret weapon. The elephants could trample the poor and the wealthy alike! Symbolically, it would have both truth and irony; the truth of the Republican stomp-downs on the poor and the irony of their being crushed by their own icon. Now, now it is not the same…

Charlotte: Sh, it’s okay…

Me: Did you just shush me?

Charlotte: Listen, twenty-three is very good. You can still have as much carnage with twenty-three elephants as you can with twenty-five. Just put twenty-three in the minutes, and we’re all good.

Seagol: What are you talking about?! Carnagae? War elephants?

Professor Z: Laser-guided war elephants? That could be an interesting idea, but how do we get them back once they’ve been launched?

Charlotte: Oh my god! The elephants don’t have lasers. There are no lasers. I see where this is going: a mass trampling. The elephants run amok, tons of property damage, we get them back under control, and all is good.

Manthony: This idea may have some potential. Let’s hear some more.

Board Secretary: As the main public relations contact and creator of propaganda, I have to say that I draw the line at direct, purposeful attacks on anyone. We’d be doomed. I don’t we could pull that off, we’d have to relocate to some third world country with limited or no extradition treaties, like Canada.

Smeagol: Finally! Someone agrees with me!

Charlotte: Hey, shut up! No one agrees with you. Ever. This is your last warning. Look, we can fake an accidental trampling at some public event, say, at a parade or something. Fuck man, they faked that moon landing shit and people are still buying it.

Me: And that is exactly what I mean, well said! We simply wait for a parade, maybe a protest that will attract counter-protesters. The elephants get excited by some strange hippie’s patchouli or right-winger’s Christian recitations, and they run amok!

Professor Z: This is not a practical weapon. The elephants will be too unpredictable. The whole thing sounds too disorganized.

Ethermagus: I have not spoken for a bit. I was taking this all in and believe that the ensuing chaos is what is the best part of the plan.

Sister Constance: Hail Eris!

Manthony and Ethermagus: What did you just say?

Me: Exactly. The elephant’s rampage will cause much damage, maiming, and potential death. However, the collateral damage is acceptable in scope: not too much, not too little.

Professor Z: And how do we regain control of the elephants?

Sister Constance: Now?

Me: Yes.

Sister Constance: The elephants will be controlled similarly to the koalas. Mega-doses of Valium and other assorted treats. And by the way, there are twenty-five elephants in total…

Me: I knew I had twenty-five. You are responsible for that monstrosity in the corner of the habit as well, I presume?

Sister Constance: Oh hush, it’s okay?

Me: Why is everyone shushing me today?!

Charlotte: Technically, that was a “hush.”

Board Secretary: I recorded it as a “hush.”

Smeagol: This is getting way out of…argh!

Charlotte (putting tazer away): I told him that was his last warning.

Sister Constance: As I was saying, the habit is designed to comfortably house the twenty-three war elephants. In the Victorian mansion here to the southwest (as it is the best temperature for the elephants) house Lord and Lady Phant. (She opens the mansion) As you can see, they are clothed in the best of finery, including the Lord’s dashing top hat and clever monocle.

Professor Z:

Sister Constance: Well, the whole thing has a certain classiness, and the Lord and the Lady will present just enough class stress among the elephants that will prove beneficial as a catalyst to fuel a bit of plebeian rage to vent during operations.

Ethermagus: Excellent! I like the mansion idea, it is a smart home.

Me: And that, ladies and gentlemen hopefully I have not only demonstrated need and purpose for our war elephants, but I also hope that you will all see why it is indeed necessary to purchase the old train station, historic or not, to provide adequate land for the elephant habitat. We will also, more than likely, need to purchase all property surrounding it. This will dislocate approximately one thousand residents.

Charlotte: As program director, I recommend moving them to one of our low-rent housing facilities and offer them free rent for two years, after the two years, we charge them for rent. We also allow them to come and see the elephants free of charge for life, provided they come during public visitation times.

Me: With that, let us vote.

And with that vote, all in favor of the war elephants (save one abstention, the Vice President was still “napping”), the Foundation began its latest quest…

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New Wave Night on Darkside Radio – 27 August 2011

Greetings and Salutations! This week marks the second week that I have let the trivial incidents of the week prevent me from taking care of business and finishing my blog. I believe that I may be having a bit of writer’s block, only not by my own design. I think I was given the literary equivalent of a cockblock. There I said it.

Thank you, DJ Zephyrael for this, it is still one of my favorites

This week has been an odd one. Greeted with ghost images from the past in the form of photographs, I found myself waxing a bit nostalgic and have decided that tonight’s show will be a tribute to the Eighties that was the New Wave that begat the Goth. Coming up with this program was tough; for every song that I wanted to add, I found two more after the fact that I wanted to add. One song that did not make the cut was th Tom Tom Club’s “Genius of Love.” Sorry, Tina and others, I opted to go with Talking Heads instead.

Below you will find the playlist for the evening as planned to this point. The artists are not necessarily played in that order and the list is subject to change. If you have any requests, follow me on Twitter (twitter.com/xrothechilde) and send me an message.

To listen click here or copy and paste the address below in your browser. You will need to follow the buttons at the top of the page to open your relevant music player.

Darkside Radio – http://darksideradio.com

Tonight’s Featured Artists

Sylvia Juncosa
New Order
Men Without Hats
Wall of Voodoo
Switchblade Symphony
They Might be Giants
Billy Idol
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Talking Heads
Tre Lux
The Cars
The Dead Milkmen
Dead Kennedys
The Sex Pistols
Siouxsie and the Banshees
Depeche Mode
Puscifer (dedicated to My ‘beth)
Morrissey
Mad Marge and the Stonecutters
The Koffin Kats
HorrorPops
Nekromantix
Reverend Horton Heat
That Handsome Devil
Suicidal Tendencies
Wednesday 13
Ministry
A Perfect Circle
Muse
Lacuna Coil
Garbage
The Gothacoustic Ensemble
The Cure
Nine Inch Nails
Portishead (dedicated to Amy W.B.)
Dead Can Dance (dedicated to The Gothic Barbie: DJ Mirage)

Ads played during the show are from Rockstar’s “Grand Theft Auto” Video Game Series.

DJ Xavier and Darkside Radio promos created by DJ Mirage and Ethermagus

Tonight on Darkside Radio – 20 August 2011

Greetings and Salutations! I have been away from my blog and the airwaves for a week and I have missed both. However, I assure you that I have been eagerly working on Part II of the blog addressing the issue of the War Elephants and their necessity to protect The Foundation from the impending clash of Rich versus Poor; a battle that will present The Rothechilde Foundation with a surge of needy claimants and treacherous betrayal from our wealthy brethren. However, that issue has been resolved, and the War Elephant Agenda is going to save Samurai City and The Rothechilde Foundation.

Darkside Radio with DJ Xavier

Darkside Radio with DJ Xavier

Yet, this is not a night for War Elephants, invasions of the needy, and backstabbing shenanigans from the other One Percenters of the United States (not the ones riding motorcycles, but the ones who own ninety-nine percent of everything in the nation). This is a night for listening to me on Darkside Radio and dancing in your living room, at your party, or in your computer seat as you type with one hand and gleefully masturbate to pictures of porn stars that you will never get to touch or even stand one hundred feet near.

Tonight’s show marks a return of a few old favorites and a few new, old favorites from the days of New Wave, Punk, and the Dark Eighties. Tune in on Darkside Radio and enjoy the show.

To listen click here or copy and paste the address below in your browser. You will need to follow the buttons at the top of the page to open your relevant music player.

Darkside Radio – http://darksideradio.com

Tonight’s Featured Artists

Bauhaus
Bongwater
Joy Division
The Smiths
Depeche Mode
The Smithereens
Siouxsie and the Banshees
New Order
Edwyn Collins
Switchblade Symphony
Nouvelle Vague
The B-52’s
Puscifer (dedicated to My ‘beth)
Muse
Queens of the Stoneage
Mindless Self Indulgence (dedicated to My ‘beth)
Black Flag
Mad Marge and the Stonecutters
The Koffin Kats
HorrorPops
Nekromantix
The Meteors (for Kelly)
Frankenstein Drag Queens from Planet 13
Ministry & Co-Conspirators (for Kelly)
Public Image Ltd.
Godsmack (dedicated to Amy W.B.)
Nine Inch Nails
Kidneythieves
Lacuna Coil
Big Pig
The Gothacoustic Ensemble
The Cure
Portishead (dedicated to Amy W.B.)

A Musical Interlude

Analogies

Love: a poem

Love is like a large piece of cheesecloth attached to a revolving bowling ball covered in fructose and postage stamps.

Love is like a black velvet painting of Elvis; except one of the sideburns is missing, the jumpsuit is on inside out, and Elvis is a black midget.

Love is like a made-for-TV movie starring Pia Zadora and David Soul as wacky, suburban neo-Nazis whose refrigerator is on the verge of breaking down while the dog begs for neutering. (Dog!)

Love is like George Bush’s left, not his right, but his left testicle swinging gently in the airspace over Panama, glowing gently like a neon ball or something, while the barefoot children beneath fill their buckets with chicken entrails and dream of Oldsmobiles and Saran Wrap.

Love is like Isadora Duncan, her svelte, taut, well-muscled body enwrapped in translucent, silk scarves suddenly swallowed whole by frogs with lisps.

Love is like bell-bottom trousers filled with lint, wax lips, empty Pez dispensers…but the lint doesn’t exist.

by Fish Karma (from the album: “Teddy in the Sky with Magnets” – 1991 Triple X Records)

“…Cry ‘Havoc!’ and Let Slip the Elephants of War…” (Part I: Historical Background Notes)

The current Governor of Michigan is named Rick Snyder. His campaign was based on him being “one tough nerd.” However, after he began his budget proposals and what have you, it was learned that this man is no friend to labor. However, most surprisingly, he paradoxically began an assault on the education system of our state. One would think that a nerd would be all about education and being the impetus for the creation of a monolithic apparatus of Nerd-dom, but he seems to be just the opposite.  Instead of thinking of the children being educated, the Snydmeister began to “fix” the system by devising ways to rid the State of qualified staff in what he claims are measures designed to fix the economy of the state of Michigan.

For those of you who understand that Michigan is both not in Canada and not comprised only of a large crime bucket called Detroit, Michigan used to be a powerhouse of industry. We really do not care what anyone thinks to the contrary; we invented the car, the assembly line, labor unions, and Rhythm & Blues. On the other hand, we did give Ted Nugent and Gerald Ford to the world, but who is perfect for fuck’s sake? But I digress… For some reason, a few years back, the auto industry, Hell, industry in general, just took off and abandoned us. What was left in the wake was a horde of unemployed people that had been educated to work in the factories and really not possessing many skills beyond that.

To save the state, the medical industry began a subtle takeover. Met by the technology sector, they combined to create a new economic force to save Michigan. However, since most people in the state were not prepared to be employed in this industry, those areas of economic power began to hire foreigners to the state and the rest of Michigan’s residents began engaging in a weird “migrant-laborer” type lifestyle of moving to another state, then moving back to Michigan a bit later. This is known as the “Black Hole of Michigan Syndrome.” All Michiganders attempt to flee the borders, but due to being born in the environment (or living in it for five years), the run-a-ways return. This is not genetic, rather it is a result of microchips installed in every resident at birth by the Michigan Militias in case that resident is needed to fight in the Great Michigan Rebellion or the Canadian Re-Unification (we are all still pissed off about that whole Toledo War business. Sure the Upper Peninsula is cool, but we could have had that real estate and Toledo).

If that was not enough, the unemployment led to other businesses fleeing as where once was a money-hole of middle class laborers to buy all sorts of stuff (mostly guns, flannel, and stuff to go “Up North” with) there was now a frightened, angry mass of armed, unemployed people with a thirst for the blood (and a little hungry, as most had gotten pretty fat from too much fast food, meat, and not exercising save for Deer Hunting Season). The Governor who started this craziness was a fat tyrant by the name of John Engler. Engler was a weird, fat man who once had a Lieutenant whose name is a synonym for “dead penis.” After greedily serving more than two terms destroying the middle class, he pushed term limits for future Governors, got said limits and left office.

He was replaced by a reformed Canadian by the name of Jennifer Granholm. At some time in her life, she crawled through the Windsor Tunnel and pretended to be a Detroiter. Not being able to survive the harsh climate of Detroit (she is no Kwame Kilpatrick or Coleman Young) she moved about the state, befriended the Candian-like Yoopers, and became the leader of the Mitten with the Stag jumping into Wisconsin. However, Granny could not stop the sinking of the USS Bob Seger, and the businesses began to flee with the ex-King (but now more corpulent) of the State. She did what she could, but the economy still began to take a plunge into Hell. Her two terms coming to an end, she left an open seat for the taking.

Enter the World’s Toughest Nerd, Rick Snyder. Keeping in fine tradition of uneducated voting, the residents of Michigan voted for him (probably because his voice is more nasal than any other Michigander, so he is more Michigan than the rest of us) despite the fact that he apparently has a reputation for sending jobs overseas. He quickly began to fix the economy by attempting to dismantle unions and take money from the already impoverished state schools. The rest of Michigan got fed up and started circulating petitions to get rid of this nerd. It has not been working very well, however these angry flannel-clad deer stalkers are still pretty pissed…and tenacious.

And this is where The Foundation and the preparations for this new era of odd began. As a public service non-profit organization, this governor’s assault on the public services provided by the state could be a big problem. With the state making cuts, people would begin to demand more from us. While the Conservative agenda would have you believe that private charities enjoy giving out dough to the needy, the reality is that we are here to provide a pretty face and tax write off for the wealthy. We cannot fulfill our own goals when we are forced to cough up more money to people because the state wants to give tax relief to small businesses and big corporate monoliths. A war is brewing on the horizon: the state is going to begin asking us to do more charity and the needy will begin asking for more help. I for one did not believe that The Foundation is prepared for this potential invasion. An emergency meeting of the Board was called, ending our vacations. We needed a plan of defense.

At that meeting, we introduced a new proposal: The War Elephant.

To be continued…

Last Friday Night

Last week was a strange, hectic week. A good person passed from this world and last week was a time of preparing for and attending memorial services and a funeral. This week, last week is still showing its face, but all is settling a bit.

Last Friday night marked the end of the week and the folks around me involved finally got to “crash.” By crash I mean sit and rest and fall asleep. However, I could not last Friday. I had not planned on going out anywhere. I had planned to stay in for the evening, maybe watch wrestling (yes, I do follow the WWE a bit) or finally get back to trying to achieve one hundred percent completion of “L.A. Noire” after having a bit of a training session. While I was doing a bit of shadow boxing, I received a text on my iPhone that was really a message from Facebook telling me that a friend of mine was working at a local coffee shop and wanted people to visit, buy a coffee, and leave him a tip. Hmmm.., I thought, I could go out for a coffee after SmackDown, after I have completed my workout for the night.

So, SmackDown went off, and I got distracted for about an hour and by the time I decided to go and have a coffee, I discovered that I would not have time to change out of my workout pants and sleeveless, aeroline shirt. I was not dressed to go out for the evening. However, I was just going out for a coffee so I through on a hoodie and my running shoes and went out to the coffee house.

I went in and got a coffee and a brownie. Since the crowd inside the place was annoying this night, I decided to take the goodies back to my place, and enjoy them in peace. However, this coffee house is down the street from one of Manthony’s clubs and he was sitting outside of it and waved me over. I walked over and began to enjoy my treats as we stood outside and chatted.

He suggested that I come inside for a bit, they were having a Drag Show and I might enjoy it for a bit. I pointed out that I was looking rather sportish and not suitably attired for evening at the club. Yet, a friend of ours, who was outside smoking a clove since the state of Michigan stripped smoking from bars, suggested that I looked great and suggested that I come in for a drink. Since it was a good friend, and she looked absolutely delicious, I decided to go in and have one drink with her and take in a bit of the show.

I am happy that I went into the club! I was immediately greeted with the sound of a familiar voice: the emcee for this Drag Show was my favorite Drag Queen: Alexa. I had not seen her in about seven years. I ordered a Woodchuck Ale (I was not dressed for public absinthe consumption), and watched Alexa from a table near the entrance where Manthony was letting people in, or having them thrown out.

After watching the show for a few, I decided that I should venture homeward (is it weird that being around Drag Queens made me feel under dressed?), and I went outside to say my “see you laters” to Manthony, who was now sitting outside on the steps of the bar with a skinny blonde. Manthony was waiting for a limousine to arrive that was transporting a bachelor or bachelorette party or something of that nature. The skinny blonde was smoking a Marlboro Light.

Skinny Blonde was pretty tipsy and flirtatious. She was trying to remember Manthony’s name (he had already told her the name several times), and was wondering why he said that his name contained body parts. She was rather elated when he said there was a “toe” and a “knee” in his name, but the elation fell because neither of the names were of “naughty body parts.” That is when I told her that his last name was “Boobpenis.”

She then noticed that I was there and asked me what my name was:

Manthony: I told you that his name was Xavier.

Me: My name is Manthony.

Skinny Blonde: Another Boobpenis?! How many of you are there in this town?!

Me: No, my name is Xavier. I was just pulling on your leg.

Skinny Blonde: Be nice to me, I’m pretty drunk and not from around here. I’m here with her over there, she’s my friend.

SB was not from Samurai City and had come here to hang out with a girlfriend of hers. Apparently, she is in the midst of as divorce, and was not opposed to being friendly and flirtatious. Amusing as she was, I was on my way back to my place and said so to Manthony and SB.

Manthony: See you later. Here’s my limo, I need to let people in.

Me: See you later.

SB: Xavier, you should come in and dance with me.

Me: I would love to, but I have to leave. Besides, I am really not dressed for the bar.

SB: No, you don’t have to leave. You just don’t like me because I’m a skinny white girl with no ass. You look fine, I like the sport-look.

Me: You have been sitting the whole time, I have no idea of your ass or lack thereof. Actually, I find you rather interesting and would dance if I did not have to be on my way. The next time you are out, have Manthony ring me up and I shall come out and give you a dance.

SB: I can give you my cell phone number, you should call me. Just don’t call when my boyfriend is home!

Me: How in the Hell am I supposed to know that?

With that, Skinny Blonde gave me her digits and I walked her back inside the club to where her friend was standing. I advised her friend that SB probably did not need anymore drinks, and that it was nice to meet the two of them. Then I left and headed on my way back to my Samurai City digs.

And so ended another week in Samurai City.

 

Tonight on Darkside Radio

Potential Redundancy Alert: Grr, grr, and double grr! This was supposed to post from another blog location. Apparently, I have to go and adjust a few things. Please forgive me is what you are about to read is something that you have already read once somewhere else.

Earlier this week I was asked why my taste in music is so diverse. The inquiry was based on my music collection and my musical tastes. You see, I have been know to quote lyrics from Public Enemy and The Cure in the same sentence. While this makes perfect sense to me, it did not necessarily make sense to everyone else.

This got me to thinking: where exactly did my interest come from? It was a short thought process. No matter where my mind ventured, everything made sense to me. For starters, being a child of the John Hughes Generation, many of the movies that I took in back in the day featured much of the music that I listen to currently, and subsequently feature on my show. In case you have forgotten, bands such as New Order, The Cure, Psychedelic Furs, etc. often appeared on soundtracks for movies in the Eighties. Not to mention the simple fact that the blurring of musical lines was already occurring, many just did not notice…

Back when the Sex Pistols were causing a scene, Debbie Harry was hanging with Sid and Nancy. Tina Weymouth and others had ventured on a side project from the Talking Heads, created the Tom Tom Club and began to experiment with rap. Bands such as The Art of Noise, New Order, and Kraftwerk were fueling the boom boxes for the cardboard-on-the-street breakdancing crews. Malcolm McClaren somewhere in there began to take proto-hip hop to Britain and instead of promoting Anarchy in the UK he began to sing of “buffalo girls coming ’round the outside…”

In a nutshell, the Gothic movement has always been an undercurrent of the music scene. When Bauhaus split up and left the world with Peter Murphy and Love and Rockets, the movement split with it. After Ian Curtis left this world, the surviving members of Joy Division went on with New Order. The Gothic world just remembered the roots of many of these new artists who began to enjoy commercial pop success. Remember Oingo Boingo? Danny Elfman went from having a “…Dead Man’s Party…” to teaming up with Tim Burton, Matt Groenig and others to produce soundtracks for television and movies (ever wonder why a song by Siouxsie and the Banshees happened on the big screen? I do not. It is as it should be.).

I guess where I am going with this in a hurried, get done with this writing and prepare for the show tonight kind of way is that Goth has always been here. It is the darker side of New Wave, Rap, and Pop. It is what gave hard rockers and metal heads the dark kick they needed to form death metal, speed metal, and whatever. It is the music of old-school, skinny skateboards and broken wrists in illegally drained swimming pools. It is the Screamin’ Jay Hawkins that invaded the world of the Blues. Goth is. It just is.

Tonight;s show will feature songs and artists that had an impact on the direction of Gothic music, at least from my impression. Some will say that much is not Goth, I say it is Dark Eighties. I say it is New Wave. I say it is a time to kick it old school for a night. From Punk to New Wave to Goth and in between, this is my interpretation of the roots of Goth. With the exception of maybe two or three songs, tonight’s line up comes completely from the Eighties (possibly Seventies on a song or two). Be warned, this list of tonight’s artists does not necessarily mean that they appear in this particular order.

So tune in tonight and have a listen. Click here to listen or copy and paste the link below in another window or something. You may have to copy the link in the browser of your player or follow one of the buttons located at the top of the Darkside Radio page.

http://darksideradio.com.

Tonight’s Featured Artists

The Art of Noise
Morrissey
Thomas Dolby
Oingo Boingo
Pat Benatar
Ben Charest (I really think the artist of this particular song goes by “M” however.)
Big Pig
R.E.M.
The Police
Switchblade Symphony
The Sex Pistols
Dead Kennedys
Bad Brains
Big Black
Black Flag
Soundgarden
Ozzy Osbourne
Snake River Conspiracy (Shout out to KJ)
Ministry
Nine Inch Nails
Fish Karma
Siouxsie and the Banshees
Southern Death Cult (A shiny farthing to who can tell me how many times some version of this band appears in tonight’s line up).
The Smiths
Enya
The Fugees
Depeche Mode
The Cure
Love and Rockets
The B-52’s
XTC
The Cult
Love Spit Love
Berlin
Bob and Tom

Is It Friday, Already?

This has been one long and short week. By long, it has been filled with much activity. Running here, walking there; funeral here, kick boxing there. And so on…

With all that has been happening in the last week, I finally took notice that I had gotten far behind on many things:

  1. I have not touched the motorcycle this week. I need to get that going or else I will not be using it before the end of this month.
  2. I have not been writing…AT ALL. And that is not good, not good at all. I am supposed to write a couple of articles for a martial arts newsletter. I was supposed to be keeping up on this blog.
  3. I have not begun a steady regimen of resistance training (however, this is not so bad…wait and read further).
  4. And I am sure there are a few things that I intended to accomplish or keep up with that I have put from mind at the moment so that I can focus on other things at the moment.

One positive thing: apparently, my endurance has increased. My cardio-respiratory endurance, that is. It all started with my new Chief of Security/Personal Body Guard. M started out as a student of mine in jujitsu and rapidly became proficient. So proficient that I found it necessary to make her my own personal protection system. She has one fatal flaw, however. She is a runner, and I am not a runner. I would rather punch one thousand sides of frozen beef than run.

Please, do not mistake my attitude for aversion to exercise, Not only do I still train in jujitsu regularly, I have recently started kick boxing (this is what I mentioned that you should wait and read further for…), and since the class is more aerobic fitness oriented, I have been getting plenty of exercise.

And I started running.

Apparently, M had been training under another cat I trained with many moons ago, and he and I started training again. At first, I thought this would be just like the days of yore. It was not. M had converted him to running and now we started training sessions with what he claimed was a one and one-half mile run. I still insist it is ten miles, maybe a light year, but that is of no consequence. The point is that we were starting out by running. And it was not good.

Well, knowing that I need to up my cardio game, I stopped dreading running, and even started running a bit on my own outside of jujitsu training sessions and kick boxing. The path I was taking was supposed to be exactly one mile long. I pushed and gradually made the full circuit finally, and I rejoiced. As it turns out, I have even more to celebrate as the distance, I recently learned, is not one mile, but it is one and one-half miles long! That run before jujitsu should be a piece of cake now (which I deserve to chow on since I have upped my game!).

Now that the weekend has arrived, hopefully things will calm down a bit and life will settle to the normal craze-fest that I have grown to love and appreciate. Manthony has been trying to get me out to one of his clubs for a night for some time now. Perhaps tonight will be the night for me to go out and have a drink or seven.