Playing with Software

When my secretary (so wonderful, sexyy, and caring), gifted me with this new laptop, I installed a new software suite. The software is for editing photos, music, and video. The photo editor is definitely no PhotoShop, but the video program seems to do a little of what I would like from a software program.

Last night, during a bout of insomnia, I attempted to edit a video. I did get a satifactory video produced, but in order to upload via WordPress, I would need to purchase a video upgrade. Yeesh! They just keep trying to reach into my wallet for extras. However, I wass able to wrestle a little bit of cooperation from YouTube:

Now, for the record, I hate that video. My form is bad, the technique is horrible (I can do much better). And those fruity, little hops at the end make for poor zanshin. Yet, the comedy attained by my face colliding with the chair was inspiring. On another completely related note: please ignore the nasal, Michigander twang coming from my nose and mouth. Before you taunt me remember that is what you hear if you listen to my radio show, and that is also what you hear when the newscasters and the other TV people speak. We run the airwaves, beeyotches! Er…excuse me, I got a little carried away.

Now, do not got over to my YouTube page (is it called a page there?), looking for more videos, I have not put any others there yet. Although, I believe I may have subscribed to a few things like Lenore (I LOVE LENORE):

or Muse:

Seriously, what the fuck is up with that Oil of Olay commercial at the beginning. When I want to see fanged Teddy Bears destroy things, I need to have it as soon as possible. I do not need to see that Oil of Olay bullshit.


And now, for something completely different. Allow me to present Laura. A couple of nights ago, I ran into Laura and a few of her friends at a Samurai City coffee shop. One of the friends, I knew already. A decent fellow named Bruce. Well, the mood struck me that this could be an interesting group to chronicle and I decided to take a picture of the self-proclaimed super lesbian. We had an interesting conversation:

Laura: “I would do anything for fifteen dollars.”

Me: “Well, that is something…”

Laura: “Seriously, dude. I would punch my grandma in the face for twenty bucks.”

Me: “What?!”

Laura: “Well, I would give her half…”

Laura is rather fun. She grabs random boobs (oddly, from other girls who would either punch grandmas or pay Laura to do it for them. There is a strange fad afoot!), she has baudy language, and has nice cleavage. Laura was annoyed that it has taken her so long to appear in this blog as I stated she would be appearing. You will be hearing more about Laura. Definitely. We share a mutual hatered of local, pseudo artist, hipster douchebag.

Trying to decide whether to attend a party this evening (one that I found suspiciously potentially an orgy since the plan was to cover all of the windows with cardboard), Laura was accompanied by a few friends. Apparently, she and the others were Catholic School girls back during their formative academic years through High School. Declaring how much they hated wearing jumpers, they shameless destroyed the images that I had previously formed about Catholic School life. I guess the nuns were mean and not sexy. However, this relevation from their previous experience has not deterred my own preconceptions of what life in Catholic school actually is like.

My Previous Concept of Catholic School Life

Before I go on, I should be fair and point out that Bruce is not and was not a Catholic School girl. I felt the need to inform you of this as I did not want you to see the picture coming up with Bruce in it and then picture him in a Catholic School girl’s jumper. Fortunately, stating that has not caused me to imagine him in the jumper, despite my vivid imagination because I have no idea what this jumper looks like. From the description the girls gave me last night, it sounds as if they were wearing strange overalls. I thought of a Catholic School for hillbillies.

Rachel (I think that is her name) was another of Laura’s compatriots on this evening. I say that I think that Rachel is her name because she initially told me that it was something else, then said her name was Rachel, and then commented that lying was a horrible way to make a first impression. Rachel has recently had a birthday and Laura was trying to get her to join her in paying to go to a local strip club to see tits. I suggested that they simply go into the restroom together and do so for free. They felt the conditions of the bathroom were not sanitary enough to go on carrying out such things.

Alias: "Rachel"

When I began taking pictures, “Rachel” desired to have this solo image of her taken. However, I did require that she stop drinking from the giant coffee mug that she was holding up in front of her face. This cup was gigantic. Really! All you would have seen was some blonde hair, a white chin and a gigantic mug bottom in the picture. Although shady and deceptive, Rachel was a treat. She and Laura decided that they needed to take a picture together. As this was going to be a part of my blog, they wanted to appear as a united front, I guess.

Laura and Rachel

When I started out my editing process, I guess I made their faces too contrasty. A horrible mistake! You see, when posing for the pictures, the two lovelies insisted on making the oddest of faces the whole time. Really, no simple smiles, evil glares, or sensual tongue-tease manipulations. They were strictly about the comedy faces. During the Catholic School conversation, it was Laura and Rachel who began to tell me that all of the girls at their Catholic School were whores. Well, they were “celibate, blow job whores.” They explained to me how this could happen. Initially, Rachel stated that this was a new thing for her to hear. However, Laura reminded me that Rachel was indeed a notorious compulsive liar whom had given me a false name when we first met. Rachel admitted that all of the above was trued and said that she must have caught onto the blow jobs later, they were not as prevalent for her class as they were for Laura’s class. In other words, apparently Rachel was not witnessing all of the hot oral action that was happening during vespers that which Laura was privy.

Katie and Bruce

Last but not least, allow me to present an old friend, Bruce, and a new friend Katie. Katie was also one of the former Catholic school girls, and she did not lie to me about her name. She also confirmed the blow job stories. When the picture taking began, Katie wanted to be pictured with Bruce in a heart-warming scene of community. That or she did not want people having me show them her picture and stating that I spent the night violating her person. Heh. Who knows? Katie was a peach. She took it upon herself to introduce herself to me and was generally a very friendly person. I am not implying that the other ladies were not nice or friendly, but they were a bit more baudy and outgoing, were Katie was curious as to whether I knew how to spell her name and involving herself in casual pleasantries. Now, you may begin to think that Katie is an innocent. I would seriously doubt that as she was on her way to attending the cardboard-covered-window-orgy party. Bruce, on the other hand, I have know for ages. He is a laidback and generally cool fellow. In all of the years that I have know Bruce, I have never seen him frown, scowl, utter a cruel word, or eat a piece of chicken. The latter is awesome seeing that I am vegetarian.


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